This week has been one I won’t forget anytime soon.
In fact it might be one of those that I may talk to my grandkids about in my rocking chair in 2070…haha let’s hope not. Jesus come quickly!
Friday night it all started. We went to the park and played wiffle ball- well I watched. During the events I started coughing, my cough is no normal cough, I was coughing up blood, a lot of it. I swallowed it all like I usually do and then threw it all up. Going to bed is usually my best bet. Saturday things just got worse. Around 9pm I called my mom barely breathing. Kelsey and jenni came to my room and called an ambulance. Soon there were about 5 guys in my room- hooking me up to machines galore; thinking that I was having a heart attack. Heart attacks are normal for this kid. Well, as always; the docs found nothing but “bronchitis” at the hospital. Screw that answer. I know better. Well, Sunday afternoon brought me back to the ER, not breathing again. This doctor listened some more and talked to my mom over the phone. Eventually, what this all came down to was that they cannot help me and my best bet is going to a big university research hospital. Which at this point I’d be down for…pretty much anything. Anything but a primary care doc who will just look at me and once again say “Jordyn, you are like no one I have ever met, you have a very unique case, and…” And that’s all, all they ever have to say.
I saw my critical care pulmonologist on Tuesday. My bronchoscopy results were normal as ever. He found slight bacteria from a pneumonia infection, but nothing serious. I always pray for it to be something serious. Serious means answer. Answer means help. And help means…getting better? Either way I am somewhat at a loss. My plan is to go home this summer. I also plan on getting some referrals to go to Stanford Medical and get some help there. San Francisco is not close, but it’s all I have left. I don’t feel like giving up anytime soon. Giving up in this fight would entail living in pain and being hopeless. Hope is what I thrive on. I will not give it up for anything.
I started my new block class today, Ruth and Esther is what I’m currently studying. We are learning about our Kinsman Redeemer. I know the Lord is able to take care of me, but I have been praying more for this husband of mine, wherever he may be. I know a day is coming soon when I won’t be able to take care of myself and I cannot depend upon my parents forever. I will wait for this helpmate for as long as I have to, I know my Redeemer will bring him to me when the time is perfect. I feel like I would have nothing to offer, nothing but love. Hopefully love would be enough.
In the meantime I am perfectly in love with my Savior, He proves to me every day that He is good and I have no place to doubt Him. He holds me and quiets me and wipes away my tears. He knows me like no one else and provides for me constantly.
On Friday I have an appointment with my cardiologist at 11:30, I’ll ask him about congestive heart failure. Maybe a new heart is what I need.
So I continue to wait. Life is a waiting game I guess. This week has been rough. Noah went to be with Jesus and I don’t think I have ever in my 20 years cried so many tears; I cannot explain enough how much I longed to hold that precious baby and see him outlast me, but the Lord has such a different plan. Noah doesn’t have to suffer. He is perfect now. And I cannot wait till the day I meet him; the Lord gave me a dream a few nights ago, it was Noah, he was beautiful and healthy, smiling. But it was not me that was holding him, neither was it Jenna. Now I pray that the Lord will hold Jenna so close to Himself during this time, that she will find this love that I have found in my wilderness as she holds onto nothing now. We do indeed have to lose our lives in order to find it. For me, I trusted in my health, and that in that I could do anything, and the Lord took it away from me and replaced it with Himself. But here in the wilderness I have found everything that I need. For Jenna, all she wanted was Noah and she held onto him with all she had, now all she has is Christ, this life has been taken away so abruptly. I pray that this wilderness leads her to promise.
Well, this is a much longer update than I expected but I must inform you all what’s been going on. I appreciate you all who have been praying for Noah and Jenna and myself as well.
“The Lord will fight for you and you shall hold your peace”-Exodus 14:14
Praise the one is mighty to save, to conquer and deliver we who are so small, weak and fragile.
From this heart that now beats with a different rhythm,
Jordyn
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