Wednesday, July 29, 2009

.nothingBUTweak.

Something I wrote not too long ago.

I am nothing but weak
Is there any way you can make this heart complete
So much blaming for my problems
Answer my plea
I want no more of me
When the curls fall out
And time fades away
I’ll still be standing here
Day by day
Well, the curls came out
Lord, you know what this story’s about
I have dressed for the occasion
Temporal satisfaction I put on
But after the wearing, the waiting grows long
Out came the curls
They fell with my world
Looking for someone to give them a twirl
And here I stand
Not by my own strength
Looking for you, only by your grace
This party ended long ago
The questions “why?” have rung through my head
How I so badly wanted this life to be average
You’ve changed my plans
Wouldn’t give my hurt a bandage
No covering this up
This was open and bleeding
Was it Your intention for them to see the healing?
So much hurt, too much pain
During the time I’d forgotten my name
To remember you’ve called me
To be reassured
To know for this heart, there would be a cure.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

reading...no, writing...yes.


I'm thinking about writing a book.
Actually, I've thought for a while, I'm like an owl.
But for realsies, I am.
A testimony to the Lord and His greatness in my 'messy' life.
So, for you who know my story kinda, sorta, maybe...any titles???

I have a few but hate them all.

Personally I think the book revolves around the title.

*Feel free to comment!

Friday, July 10, 2009

The Amazing Race

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7


Calvary Chapel Red Bluff's Kid's Camp 2009 revolved around running the race.
What is the race? And how do we run?
What we all learned is that we need to know our coach, we need to know the trail, we need a reason for running and we need to know what we're running for and in doing this we will come across obstacles and what will we then do? Face them or fall over?

I began this race- this permanent race- about 5 years ago, falling on my face and asking Jesus to show Himself to me. To say the least, He did.
My life story is getting really long and very full of His goodness to me but also full of obstacles.
My Youth pastor was talking about how some people run this race and it's a smoothe path and for other people, they hit hills that cause them to walk instead of run and boulders in the road that cause them to fall and get bloody and broken.
This is the story that the Lord has written for me.
I got to share my testimony yesterday with 7 very hungry 12 year old girls.
I had nothing to brag about, I just wanted them to know that if these obstacles come, that they are more than conquerors through Him who loves us. I want them to be able to face these things.
This boulders I've run into have caused hurt, but it's given me a story that I would have never written for myself.
The girls told me that if these things had happened to them that they would not have done well and probably would have quit the race. They told me I was strong. I told them I was not. I am not brave...ever. Yes, I can get poked by a needle and tears will not come from my eyes, but my heart hurts when I go through these battles. I get weak so that only God is my strength.
Talking to these girls was not all I did. I learned myself. I learned more about what I was facing. How my race was going. And understanding where it will end. You're either in or out of a race, there's no in-between.
How easy it would be to stay on the sidelines for a few hours and cheer everyone else on and wear the cool shirt and the number and then jump back in when the hurdles were over. That's cheating.
I've got a long way to go. I've got a lot to learn. But He is ever faithful.
So, will you join me? Because I am running, running for a prize, running to win!
1 Corinthians 9:24