then they turned around and walked the other way.

this fight is over.
the fight to find out what's wrong with these bones of mine.
a bone scan along with some x-rays were done this past week.
i got the call. the call once again that said that nothing is wrong with me.
now this is just a spiritual battle. well, always phsyical because i fight with my body all day every day and about pain mostly...but this time the fight is over.
i am no longer fighting for my health. the Lord is going to have to do that for me because nothing else can be done.
i am old and it's gonna stay that way until I really am old.

thanks for praying guys. i really appreciate it. it's hard when you see no results but you guys have kept my head above the water and that means the most. this ocean will not swallow me whole. all my love, jordyn

can't isn't a word.

don't tell me i CAN'T do something.

i know the state i am in.
and i know that this heart would not be beating right now if it weren't for what jesus has done.
i know my body would not be moving at all.
jesus is what moves me.
don't tell me that i CAN'T do what i want to.
because my wants are no longer for myself, they are for Him, they are for this world to see His light...because I have no light, but I want to be a mirror.

Lord, use me, despite their unbelief.

all that's left.

"This world has nothing for me, I will follow You"

As I tell many people after all I've been through, that you need to hold onto Jesus more than anything else, because when trial and tribulation strike, He will be all you have left to hold onto.

I have lost it all.

I already wrote on facebook about my physical therapy appointment today. It was kind of amazing because this doctor believed me that I was in pain and she wants to search for the answer to my pain. She explained what she thought about my case in her words, they sounded a lot like what mine would sound like if spoke more than I do.

She was amazed at what's going on at so young of an age. She was asking me how I ate, how I exercized and if I took my vitamins...I told her yes to everything, and she asked if I was lying because most 19 year olds could care less about their health. I said, well it's kind of been this way for 6 years, I've gotten used to it.
It's an amazing feeling to know how a 70 year old person feels like when I am only 19. It is amazing to know such loss as I have experienced. This phsyical therapist said, "You must feel like you have lost everything...that when you left Italy, that you lost your life."

And I sat in that room looking at her, amazed by her understanding and tears welled up in my eyes that try to hide so much.

Yes, I feel like I have lost my world. That I have been dropped like a bad call. Like dirt swept under the rug. But that's not the way it is, because I am alive.
I am 19 and I am more than sick, and probably will be for a long while, but I am holding onto what I know...Jesus.
He is ALL i have left.
School is gone, friends are gone, family is gone all in their different ways. I am misunderstood...But I am holding onto Him because He hasn't yet let go of me.
I owe everything to Him, because it's His cross that I am clinging so dearly to, and I won't let go, because if I did, I would have nothing and life would be lost, but as long as I have Jesus, the world is mine.
He alone is good!

fate?

what if you weren't where you needed to be when you needed to be there?
is it fate that these mistakes happen?
there's been a full moon for 3 days now and it's really making me wonder.
i'm gonna write a book.
because sometimes there are some things that i cannot forget about.
certain people i cannot forget about.
this book will be called sometime in september.
because that's when it all went down.
and the first line of this book will be "...and then there was just you and me."