RATS!

So, I do mainly nothing at home besides listening to these rats in my walls.
They creep by night.
they like to talk to me through the wall, by my head, while I try to sleep.
They are obnoxious.
And although it's hard to tell, they are bigger than a mouse.
1 down, many to go.

Called to be sick.

So I’ve been figuring out that my approach to life itself has just sucked.
Everything changes though when you wake up tomorrow morning so much worse than you were yesterday. "Dangit! Why did I lie around all day? I could have done something"
I guess life is full of regrets.

This past week seemed like one I’d never get through. But the Lord is good. The Lord has given to me people that I just couldn't live without. People who have encouraged me, sent me letters, sent me verses, talked to me on the phone and just been there for me, no to pity party with me but to talk me out of my selfishness.
Being sick tends to lead to slothfulness.

If you've never had a debilitating disease you won't understand, but for those of you who do, it's pretty ridiculous, but something you can't really help.
This week I had the opportunity to go down to Murrieta. I passed it up. When something like this comes up- I am suddenly not sick anymore and I am ready to face the world. My parents had to talk to me and show me physically how weak I am.
So I was brought back to one of my favorite books of the bible. 1 Corinthians. God bless Paul. He had some good words to say, words from the Lord of course.

In chapter 7, Paul is talking about marriage mostly. He says in verse 20 to "remain in the calling in which you were called".
What the junk is that? That’s what I thought the first time I read it.
All this "callings" stuff just usually goes right over my head. Paul is saying that if you're married, stay married. If you're single, live a single lifestyle, not striving for what you don't have.

So- this is what I came to. I asked myself- "What is my calling?"
and I sat and I thought and I stood and I thought and I looked at something different and I thought and I came to the conclusion that at least for my teen years God has called me to be sick.
Since I was 13 I've struggled with health problems, all different, all strange diseases and each time the Lord has brought me through it. So here I am, sick again. But knowing that I need to live in the calling in which I was called.
Why would God have a mission for me as a sick person?

I feel pretty useless every day. I sit on my butt and accomplish...usually nothing. But with this time God has given me an opportunity to pray, to pray a lot. He's given me opportunities to write letters to hurting people. He's given me time to listen to chuck tracks and actually meditate on what I'm learning.
This pain may be a hindrance, but it's what God uses for me to see Him more clearly.

Ok- so this might be really long and if you want to give up reading...I don't blame you. But when I was in Italy just a few weeks ago I was studying 2 Corinthians. In one of my assignments I was to read the book in its entirety. So, I read and it was all good, nothing had really struck my attention until I came to chapter 12...and tears filled my eyes and I knew what Paul was saying because verses 7-10 are my life story. Verses 7-10 are my calling.
Vs.7- and lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure.
Paul's thorn definitely hindered him; at times he couldn't go on his missionary journeys because he was sick. I love how he calls it a messenger of Satan. I like to call my diseases Satan as well.
Vs.8- concerning this thing, I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me.
This is what got to me. I have pleaded with the Lord countless times to remove these diseases from me so that I can fully function. Once the Lord did- and for that I cannot thank Him enough, as of 2 years ago I should have been blind...permanently. The Lord has restored my sight.
Vs.9- and He said to me

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness"

. Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
How many times has the Lord said this to you?
He is completely all that we need, although when weak, it is the perfect excuse to need something more. To boast in my sickness though? I do praise Jesus for what my diseases have made me because I cannot imagine the person I would be today if I had not been sick all these years. His strength in weakness has preserved me!
Vs.10- therefore I take please in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Am I happy with being sick? No. I want to run. I want to feel the wind in my face again. I want to be able to pick up all the little kids that I love. I want to be able to work and pay of these hospital bills. My sickness has been a burden. But Jesus has asked me to stop. To stop fighting. To stop carrying this burden. He's asked me to lay it down at His cross. As much as I hate this burden, I hold onto this. I hold onto the fact that I could be sick forever. I could be in pain. I could possibly never live a normal life; never have a job and so on.

I dwell on these things until it makes me sick.
But He has said, “Come to me, you who are heavy laden and I will give you rest. Take My yoke, learn from Me, I am gentle and you will find rest for your soul. My yoke is easy and my burden is light”.
It’s time to give up once again. To give up myself. And to take what He’s given me, which is a glass not filled, but a glass that’s not required to be half empty.
Here’s to a calling that sounds crazy…to being sick…and to being ok with that.

Hope this comes as some sort of encouragement who have been a world of help to me.
With all my love from my dented couch,
Jordyn