yesterday was epic.
oh gosh, yesterday wanted to eat me whole.
my days have kind of been like this, but not as of late because i escaped and came to Murrieta about a week ago and it's been great.
yesterday i was in carlsbad.
it was hot at home and then the beach was absolutely frigid and everyone got...you know,edgy.
a phone call set me over the edge.
after pacing up and down the beach by myself for a while. i threw pebbles into the water trying to release some anger- it wasn't working.
erica and the girls came up behind me, i threw off my excess garments and ran into that great ocean.
the feeling was wonderful.
it was no longer cold, it was beautiful.
i watched the waves ahead of me waiting for the next one to mow me down. i wouldn't fight it and everyone on the beach would look at that girl out there who didn't know how to dive under the waves- i did it on purpose.
the salt on my lips tasted like magic.
and when i dove under that wave ... for the first time in eight months my bones didn't matter.
the water carried me.
i stood up and i felt alive.
for the first time in a long time i did something that made me feel alive physically.
and today i reap the repurcussions of that...haha. but it was worth it.
the Lord brings me to life everyday, but physically i am still dragging.
the ocean held me in all its fullness.
it held me in all my fullness, it grabbed my body and my mind.
it captured my full attention and i let everything go.
those petty things in my mind went...i don't know where, but they left and suddenly i didn't care, i wouldn't care.
THANK YOU LORD FOR YOUR CREATION!
it's been a long time since i've been on here, i know. i've been doing more journaling and such, and i dont really know why i decided to share this- but life is good guys, life is really really really good. whether you're sick or healthy or poor or rich or whatever! life is good...live for today, tomorrow isn't guaranteed, the past is gone and there is no changing it. this stuff has been on my mind an the ocean brought it all back.
it brought my mind back to where it should be, that the sound of those waves are for the One who created them. If the ocean worships Him why I am I not worshipping Him?
as a health update:
(if you're bored you can skip this)
i've been in and out of stanford. it's 3 1/2 hours from my house. pain in the bum to go there. my doctors have come to no conclusions lately and this research is taking a very long time. by the looks of it i won't be back at CCBC to graduate this fall and will be stuck in northern california at different hospitals. my main prayer request is for endurance, because i don't want to run or fight anymore- not spiritually speaking, but physically. if i gave up i would be a cripple and bed-ridden, so it's not a possibility- i must keep faking it.
i love you all. please send me your prayer requests- i have plenty of time to be lifting them up: )
xoxo
