I shall not be in Want

I hate tears.
last night i couldn't stop them.
i am selfish.
my heart wants to be somewhere I am not.
so i was not content at all.
who am I to not be happy for what I have?
I want to go to Guemes Island with my parents and I want to spend more than 2 days at home for spring break.
Why was I crying? I am a retard, human and always striving for something.
Lord, give me contentment, make me happy in You. Guemes and spring break are temporal but you last forever. I want more of Your eternal blessings. Thank you for calming my heart.

. an attemp to change.

It is not worth it to try to writhe out of Christ’s willed for my life. God wants to bless me so He will allow me to go through trials beyond my understanding. I have to wait for my purpose to be fulfilled, what I cannot see is that it is being fulfilled everyday that I am alive. Also, I need to realize that eternal life is a gift from God; it is nothing that I can do on my own. I do not inherit life as I ask for forgiveness, but as I put on Christ and His characteristics I inherit life through what He has done for me. This life is getting old. I am so encouraged that God is preparing a place for me in heaven and the reason why I am not there already is because it is not ready. What God is doing with me is not yet finished and when it is, I will see Him face to face, there will be no more death, limitations or defects, and all these questions “why” won’t exist anymore. I look forward to the day that I can put my fingers through the holes in His hands and understand why He has loved me.