It was kind of like a cigarette thrown out of a moving car onto some brush in lake elsinore. Up in flames and there was nothing to stop it. What the heck am I referring to? Well, my newly diagnosed disease of course, the latent incurable Lymes.
It wasn’t more than a couple months ago when I got back from the family vacation I had a phone call from the doctors office, they told me my test from the Igenix lab had come back positive. To me this was worse than hearing that I had cancer; #1 reason in this is because Lymes most often does not kill you. This would be a battle I would fight for the rest of my life, and I had to make a choice whether or not I would be strong. With cancer maybe you face chemo once or twice, with Lymes depending upon how old you are you can go through treatment multiple times in your life; every 10 years is average.
Well, if you read that little excerpt deal at the top of my page it says “ Here’s to taking what He’s given me, which may not be a glass that’s full, but it’s not a glass that’s required to be half empty. Here’s to the life more abundant.” The Lord has spoken to my broken life through John 10:10 which speaks of Himself; Jesus as the Good Shepherd and He says “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”
What is a more abundant life? A life more full, a life full of life. Not a life struggling in death.
I felt compelled to write about my disease, I haven’t written a long drawn out essay like thing in a long time and I most definitely haven’t written about my sickness; and I wanted to write and I wanted you all to read this and to understand.
Most people with Lymes somewhat go into hiding, they do relapse with their symptoms, their employers can’t understand and because of this even their faith is compromised. What I have seen in Lymes disease as of late is very discouraging and disheartening and makes me want to live out loud more than ever. I feel like the Lord has called me to live with this to comfort those who are also suffering (2 Corin. 1:4). I know the Lord does not want me to be a typical Lymes patient. Even during this chemo process I refuse to hide out because He has given me life and if this sickness is not unto death but for the glory of God(John11:4) I will serve Him, with my heart, with my voice, if I can’t with this body.
I believe that I live an abundant life. I have nothing, yet I have it all, because I have my Savior. To the unbeliever, yes you will look at me and evaluate my circumstances and say that I have lost everything; dropping out of college, no car, no job, living with my parents- but the peace that I have in my soul I would not trade for a car or a job or a scholarship.
It’s going to be a long road ahead, one I can’t image right now. The pain is waring and the puking is tiring. For five days I threw up this week. I am not even 2 months into treatment. I had to get off a skype call with Erica in Spain to throw up, I cried, not from the pain, but from the pain in my heart from what this does emotionally. I always bounce back, new adventures give a person a new sense of humor and this I have found.
But I am here, writing, ultimately to tell you how big my God is. To remind you all that there is no Good Shepherd who does not lead His sheep. Lymes disease is the worst thing in the world to me, I hate it so much I haven’t even cared to learn about it or read on it…I simply learn as I go.
I thought things had been rough the past 6 years. This last birthday I thought, hey my 20’s are gonna be a different story, I’m going to get better. The Lord said, “Yes and No” Things have to get so much worse before they get better. i am in it for the long haul, too far gone to cop out now. Optimism is my only choice and realism is definitely a reality, yet I will keep moving.
The other day I couldn’t stop throwing up, I was in the living room on the floor and a verse came to mind
“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
And I cried out to the Lord and said “I WANT TO RUN, and I want to not be weary…or just to walk Lord, let me walk” but what I was asking was more a demand of the Lord.
And he said to me “But they that WAIT” and tears came to my eyes knowing this will be a long and drawn out battle, yet one worth waiting for.
My 20’s are going to be great. Optimism is going to pay off. My Good Shepherd is going to lead me and Lymes is not going to win because Jesus Christ has overcome this world.
Jesus was waiting for me to be completely weak to show Himself completely strong, and that He is.
