nothing more.

i want nothing more than Jesus.
I want to love the God of the word just as much as I love the word of God.
this is a growing time.
i know nothing right now.
i don't know what my life holds. but i know that He has given me promises and He also wants me to dwell in them.
i know that this valley is only the shadow of death, not death itself.
and i know that He is with me.
i know He longs to hold my hand. and hold onto my heart.
He desires to breathe life into my hurting lungs.
and give strength to me when there is nothing left.
these things i know because i know that He loves me.
Satan can try to lie to me. well he did.
i believed him. and i had to ask for forgiveness.
i am waiting for Him to restore my soul. I know that He is leading me, I just don't know where. i feel helpless and useless.
june will come and i will ask my doctor what research hospitals are looking for people like me.
i will not stop praying for healing. i know that it is real because I have experienced it before. I have so much on my mind I could write a book this very second, but my day is going to be packed.
the Lord's love is really what overwhelms me right now. i know that it is real. He has kept me awake for 2 nights now. i sit up and watch out my window at the lights and wait for the sun to come up while i pray. i wait for the nyquil to kick in but it never does. there is a reason for this.

something amazing is happening here.
here in the wilderness. it may be lonely and cold, then scorching hot. i may have nothing. i may be hungry, but in my heart of hearts i know that God is good and no one can take that away.

I pray that someday I will be bold, I will be strong to speak. I know I need to share this. Maybe when I go home for the summer. because everyone experiences wilderness. we just do not know how to tolerate it. we still are more than conquerors, we have just forgotten.

from this brain that won't stop thinking,
jordyn ellyse