breakup

i guess my 3 in 1 video blogs said it all kinda-sorta as to what is going on as of late. you all really got to see it all. this has been quite the fight. and for the past 6 years i have been begging someone to fight for me. but all along i have been begging the wrong person. i have gone to MD after MD, someone smarter to someone smarter begging, then pleading with them to find pleasure in my eyes and to be willing to fight for my life.
no one has been willing.
they all have given up on me.
after 6 years. i have gone through this extremely treacherous fight and i feel like i have finally given up the fight with them and broken it off...goodbye Stanford, goodbye to the whole lot of doctors i have seen in these past 6 years that have done jack-squat for me.
i want to move on, i want to see the world, i want to finish bible college and go on to nursing school, but unfortunately right now these things must wait.
of course over this fall i'll be working towards my graduation from bible college by taking online classes...i refuse to start and quit.

it's funny, i highly considered deleting this blog last week. it was a goner. see you later! it started out as something that was just an online journal and then suddenly everyone started reading it and i had to be a little more careful about what i wrote.
if this blog was not online, it would have been burned last week. why? well, because it has everything to do with my sickness.
in sickness and in health.
that's pretty much my motto here on 'when the curls fall out'.
and the curls fell out a few days ago i realized.

the title actually came from a poem i wrote when i was younger. i wrote it when i had pin straight hair and curling it was only for special occasions and by the end of the night the curls would always have fallen and the event would be over, everything would be done.
a few lines from this poem went...
when the curls fell out
they fell with my world
looking for someone to give them a twirl...

and how true is that? at least for me. ultimately i wrote this about the Lord and how when everything fall around you. when the show is over and your world seems to be caving in and you're begging SOMEONE TO FIGHT FOR YOU , you need to look at who you've been asking to fight.

i was asking doctors to plead my cause.
now my world has fallen, just as these curls have fallen out but does it not say numerous times in the bible that the Lord is a Man of war!?

He lives to fight for us!

so, i am not here for pity or to prove that i have suffered for 6 years and that i am miserable and sad, i am here to prove that my Redeemer lives and He shall stand at last on the Earth. we all suffer in our different ways, whether financially or in relationships or spiritually or emotionally- we all have battles.

who is fighting for you?

i love you all so much and i deeply appreciate all the comments and messages on facebook and the texts and phone calls- you all are such a blessing, i can't describe it with words...i really can't or i start crying like a fool, you know me;)
anyways, be blessed you guys and stick around the blog. the blog will stay. because it's not for me anymore- this is for His glory and if it ever gets carnal it'll go buh-bye.
i will for sure have another post in a couple weeks when i get results of this Lymes test.

all my love- jordie