ten

i wonder if anyone else knows what it's like to just want to write but not be able to.
i want to hold a pen in my hand and watch it glide over the paper and feel my feelings release from my heart. sometimes it all just doesn't come out when i type.
pain keeps me from this.
pain wants to eat me alive tonight.
going on 10 months now...
10 months of pain, yes, but also ten months of hope and that i will not give up. 10 months i have been waiting for a better day.
i try not to reflect on these dates, but this just randomly came into my mind.
Lord, distract me with Your presence- You are all I need.

Be my pen, be my paper, be my feelings, be the time i feel i've lost, be everything that consumes me.