FOR(him i will go)WARD

i know you've brought me here to teach me something.
these people do not know me.
they don't know my weakness.
i know that you know me.
it's this weird feeling of acknowledging how much i trust you and letting go of all i still hold onto.
i want to hold onto everything i used to have.
i want my strength.
when i see it in other people this feeling comes over me...i could not figure it out until recently.
this feeling is jealousy.
because i remember it.
i remember all you gave me.
and i am thankful for what i had.
you took my physical strength and gave me strength from the inside, but now i feel so weak.
tonight i want to touch you.
i want to feel you.
i know that you've brought me to this place so that i can want these things more than anything else.
you want my mindset to be something more eternal.
but eternity isn't right now.
while i'm here lord, i beg you to give me endurance, to run this race with a goal in mind.
to run towards your beautiful face without looking back at what i used to have.
my goal will be forwards.
my goal will be for you.
i want to want nothing else- but there are so many things that crowd my mind.

my precious lord, make me beautiful in your sight.
do not be silent at my tears.