ahe, oh, pee, eee

i am learning to hope.

this is tough.
this battle is raging on.
it is most definitely not waiting for me.
i used to say bring it on.
now i say slow it down.i am weary.
Lamentations 3 lifted me up.
read it guys.
22 Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
24 “ The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,

“ Therefore I hope in Him!”
25 The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
26 It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the LORD.

please feel free to encourage me. I want to go home. no, not red bluff, not selah, i want my heaven home. i want to worship Jesus forever. this is my one desire. but i know that while i am here, i need not to want what i cannot have, as of right now i am not dying( or no one has told me yet)...so i must press on. it hurts so bad.
my heart is torn as i wait. so i'll wait silently for the Lord to answer my cry. because i know that He hears me; because i still believe that He is good.

A knife in my hip.
needles in my shoulders.
nails driven into my arms.
legs broken in two.
feet torn from the sockets.
ribs crushed and shattered.
this is what i feel
blessed me the name of my ever living God who was and is and is to come!


* and as an update, today i have an chest CT scan to characterize the nodules and see if they are growing. I am being tested for Wegener's Disease (feel free to look it up) and bone and lung cancer. After this CT scan and the nodules are characterized a bronchoscopy will be done to remove the tumors and test for cancers.