I need YOU to hear me tonight...please

I don’t want them to see me this way.
I am better than this, I just know it.
Lord, am I worth it?
To have a life? I gave it up Jesus, I swear I did! I gave it up so that I could find something better? And this is what you give me?!
I am damaged, broken, leaking, weak and waiting Jesus, waiting for a darn miracle.
I need You to pick me up, because I’ve fallen.
That cliff is so close and it scares me.
I know there’s a rope there, because I’ve been there before.
I don’t want to go that far, I don’t want to get as far as the rope.
You always give me the choice to hold on or to fall.
This place is slanted, where I am.
No one is here, but I know you are, because You had been before, when I first found You
I just need to see you right now. I need to know that you’re here.
I need to know that this battle can be fought by you.
I remember that place where I was standing, It wasn’t too far over there.
If You know this feeling, then why won’t You help?
If You can be everything that I need, then do it. Because I need. I need a lot. I need life.
Or if it’s not life that I need, then take me Jesus.
Take me home, Lord, I can’t go down like this.
I want this story you’ve given me to bring You glory, but I don’t know how much longer it will.
Never giving me more than I can handle, huh?
Well, this is a bit much.
Did you wake up crying?
Did you hate because there was no answer?
Did you build walls because it was easiest?
Did you forget how to love, because of how much it hurt?
I’m sorry I’m doubting you, I really am, because I love you. But this hurt goes further than the obvious. This hurt goes into my soul. I hurt because I cannot serve you when I am like this.
This proves my love/hate relationship. Know that I really do love You.
I need Your love to pull me up, Please.
Just another cry out for consistency.
I know You hear me, don’t be silent to my tears.
Amen.