For the Love of Being Alive

Whoever said that getting lost was a waste of time...didn't have his head on right.
Make time to get lost.
I guess I appreciate more than I used to. I appreciate the little things.
The little things that equal up to life itself.
All could have been lost.
Today I got lost with my Dad in the mountains for 6 hours. We took off looking for certain things that were never found.
Spontaneous things thrill me.
So, I don't really know what I'm getting at, but I guess this is just a tribute from a girl who feels alive.

I must be home.

I saw 10 mullets all within the same room today.
I talked to probably 5 Mary-Kay ladies.
And it's over 100 degrees.
Bums are scaring the living daylights outta me.
Wal-Mart has been a pit-stop more than once.
Drama has crept its way into my life again.
Because......Because....
I LIVE IN RED BLUFF!
(home again guys)

The Places We'll Go.

I wonder.
I enjoy looking around at the kids at school(some, my friends, others not so much) and wonder what awesome things the Lord is going to do in their lives.
excitement overwhelms me during these times.
I want to know NOW!
Waiting must be a virtue...well patience is, they're pretty much the same thing.
My plan is to be in Montebelluna, Italy by September.
If the Lord wills, I will.
I did start learning Italian the other day- I got a program to put on my computer that cost a whole 5 dollars and 99 cents. Big investment, I know.
So here goes the waiting process.
Hold fast~ Hebrews 10:23

Here we go again?

the impossible.
is always possible. it's good to remember this.
so many times I think "I am done...finally this is finished."
untrue. i'm so not done with anything.
God is ultimately writing my life story and this book has not come to a close quite yet.
John 16:23 is very encouraging in these types of situations.

"And in that day, you will ask Me nothing..."

He's got me. i love remembering this. when life falls apart. after I thought I had it all together.
He's still holding me. He's holding you.
He's got the whole world in His hands never made so much sense to me in my life.
so here I am again,wondering what his could hold for me.
all is unexpected...but i'm standing here,unshaken.
ready for shaking.
If this is what it takes for me to bring You praise.
I'm in.

"Life isn't fair, Jordyn..."

the title of this blog is a line I got from my mom almost every day of my childhood. might i add that I was the middle, non-talented one in the family. well this is actually about contentment and the striving for it. chasing for what's not there. and craving what is not true. last night i was overcome with anger. well, i lashed out in anger when my heart was really just breaking for the unhappiness we have as humans. but as christians, I just think some things should be a little different. tell me if you agree.
yes, we are all guilty of this.
we have everything we need, we are spoiled rotten. we get good beds to sleep in, a roof over our heads and relatively good food to eat, nice people in our lives who love us and yet EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH MYYYYYYY LIFE!!!!!
ummm no. nothing is wrong with life. your attitude is wrong.
i've lived with this attitude for a long time, but i am so incredibly happy to say that the Lord has changed my heart in this way( He is still working on other parts).
i won't bring up the exact situation that I was angry about.
but after hearing a certain conversation, my heart was tearing, I got literally hot laying in bed trying to fall asleep, i couldn't breathe. i got up pacing around my dorm, then put on some clothes and left, I could not stand the environment any longer!
I walked around the lake with the Lord a few times asking why I felt the way I did. I didn't want to be hating, but I was more than upset. I've asked Him so many times to break my heart for what breaks His. I asked Him if this was breaking His heart...i hoped so, so that my wannabe rage wasn't in vain. I kept my cool while talking to God. then my sister called, so I walked around the lake a few more times and started kicking trees, rocks and ducks(not really the ducks...wanted to though).
understanding how people can be so bitter toward life and what the Lord has given them overwhelms my soul and to tell the truth...makes me want to throw up.
I did want to throw my glass bottle of lotion at this person's head, just so when this person woke back up, that they wouldn't remember the awful things that just came out of his/her mouth.
contentment is not something that comes easy to anyone.
in every situation, there will always be something "wrong".
the Lord puts these"wrong" things into our lives for a reason.
why are we not grateful?
I think I am running out of words...why? I have so much on my mind, but I cannot elaborate on this any longer.
simply put, I am done with this discontentment and will not tolerate it anymore because it causes me to stumble.
Lord, make me stronger and please, please, please give me Your patience. I love You Lord, thank you for the complacency You have brought into my life. Be my sustenance , and also to my peers . AMEN!

Chords that were broken will vibrate once more.

I am back at CCBC- the love of my life.
the joy i have felt in these past few days is incredible. i can't help but remember where I was last semester and where I am now.
to say that God is good, is not quite enough.
I have asked so many times that God be magnified in my life.
where other people may not see this magnification, I can see it clearly.
I want to jump up and down and run up and down the stairs(just because I can).
I want to run into HIS arms and kiss HIS face and thank Him.
blessing the Lord in the good times or the bad times are not easy.
when i'm in pain, i don't want God, because simply put in my human mind, He has messed everything up. and when life is good, I have no time for God because I am well and why should I spend time with Him when I could be enjoying my life.
This time around I am trying harder to praise His name always.
not just to say that I am in love, but to act it out.
Lord, give me perseverance.

.these walls.

all too familiar.
i came home for spring break.
my bags rested on the floor as i could feel all the emotion coming back to me that i felt in the 4 dreadful months that i laid in that red bed.
i remember all the shapes i found in the walls...little faces and scenes from lying there so long...waiting for my heart to function properly. all at once i can feel the chest pain again, i can see the hospital bracelets, hear my doctor's voice, feel the lonliness.
i run my fingers over these pictures. pictures from 10+ years ago. no recent pictures. i have been too afraid of losing. these things i love are the things that bring crazy feelings to my numb heart. thank you Jesus that i am no longer in that bed and that i have more to look forward to than another hospital visit. this all just feels wrong, memories of coming back from school before the semester ended...i can remember almost every minute, everything that happened in those last few days i was at school in october and the trip home.
the way things could have been make me wonder.
the way things are makes my heart glad.