.hedge me in.

Hosea.
Minor prophets class.
Tore me up in the first hour and a half I sat in this little Italian church in the middle of a field in a warehouse.
We talked about Gomer, Hosea's postitute that God called him to marry.
They go through what havoc she wreaks on his life and then chapter 2 goes on to say that he's tired of it and that he's going to hedge her in so that she cannot get out. these hedges I learned, were tall, like real tall and they had thorns and there was no way anything could get in and there was no way she could get out. she would be completely surrounded and given everything she needed.
As we talked, I felt this feeling of betrayal.
I felt as if God had taken away my hedge.
Then we talked about Job, the first chapter where God and Satan have this conversation of sorts about Job and his righteousness. Satan asks God if the hedge God has put around Job may be removed. God allows it.
And we all know what transpired in the life of Job after this occurance.
Why would God allow a hedge to be taken away from one of His children?
But I realized as I thought like a little owl in my seat that the whole time I was exposed to the world and harm and medical problems galore I was protected the whole time because God never left me and He never had forsaken me.
He hasn't and He won't.
This past week has been difficult, coming to a place where I know nothing, I know no one and I do not speak a word of the language to top everything off.
I sat on the train a few days back on my way to Venice and said, "It's just you and me Lord, just You and me."
And so it is. Just me and Him.
This time I'm gonna get to know Him, he knows me, He's known forever, I want to learn of Him.
So, continue praying for me in Montebelluna.
The Lord is working here for sure, I wish I could tell of all the stories here but no one would ever read the whole thing.
And please pray for the Italian people, as they are lost in cathedrals and confession booths.

Please, Just hold my hand.

This week has been a rough one.
This week has been a lonely one.
I want to say that I am brave. God always proves me wrong.
When I thought that He had let me down He used my best friend to send me a verse.
Isaiah 41:13
"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says 'Fear not, I will help you"
I desperately needed help this week. I was longing for affection. I secretly hold all that stuff inside.
Kills me to know all this time, all 2,000 years ago, how He knew that I'd need a Savior.

A day in the...hospital.

Things come up.
In my life, things that aren't so average.
This is the way the Lord shows me that He's not finished with me yet.
He's got a plan, and He's not forgotten what He's gonna do with me.
This also proves my human-ness, and how upset I get.
Yesterday, I read Matthew 11 and complained of how this burden is not 'light'.
The fact is that the burden is light because in Him I find rest. I read it backward and it made more sense.
Lord, teach me to pray, to pray more effectively; to pray believing.

Mark 11:24
"Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you recieve them, and you will have them."

What happens when Love happens.

A word on my mind recently is the word "redmemption" or to be redeemed.
I decided to do a word study. So I looked and looked and came up with these defintions:
1. Repurchase
2. Repair
3. To help overcome something detrimental.
4. To change for the better.
5. To make worthwhile.

Honestly, I was inspired to write this because of a friend's foot tattoo. She said she got the permanent ink set into her skin so that she would never forget the love Jesus had to buy her back from her captivity.
I've been up at night praying for these friends of mine whom have forgotten to say the least, it breaks my heart, I cry and I pray and I feel like I am doing nothing.
The Lord brought me to Isaiah 52:3,

For thus says the LORD:


“ You have sold yourselves for nothing,
And you shall be redeemed without money.”

The Lord's own words, it almost hurts to know that He knows me so well. That He knows we will sell ourselves for nothing, that we see ourselves as worthless when He's bought us with His blood. And yet He says that we will be repurchased without money.
The way He loves us in incredible, there's no real way of understanding this, but a good way to see it is when we are sinning, stealing out of the cookie jar, lying about being in earlier than we were and so on. This leads to hanging with the wrong crowd, ruining ourselves and seeing ourselves good for nothing but maybe one thing. This is when He says "I want YOU back!"
Not like Uncle Sam saying, I want you. We've always been His, we've just wandered away, maybe a slow progression, maybe fast, yet He cries for us to stop writhing out of His hands.
What I'm getting to here...well I don't really know and I know the people who I want to read this, will not, but here goes...
He wants you.
He wants to buy you back.
You've sold yourself for nothing.
And he's already paid the price.
He'll take that shriveled up red thing we call your heart and He'll make it whole, He'll repair it. These things take time, but He created time.
He always loves and He never fails.
Please consider this.
And please read Isaiah 52.
I'm done...never forget that I love you as well.

.nothingBUTweak.

Something I wrote not too long ago.

I am nothing but weak
Is there any way you can make this heart complete
So much blaming for my problems
Answer my plea
I want no more of me
When the curls fall out
And time fades away
I’ll still be standing here
Day by day
Well, the curls came out
Lord, you know what this story’s about
I have dressed for the occasion
Temporal satisfaction I put on
But after the wearing, the waiting grows long
Out came the curls
They fell with my world
Looking for someone to give them a twirl
And here I stand
Not by my own strength
Looking for you, only by your grace
This party ended long ago
The questions “why?” have rung through my head
How I so badly wanted this life to be average
You’ve changed my plans
Wouldn’t give my hurt a bandage
No covering this up
This was open and bleeding
Was it Your intention for them to see the healing?
So much hurt, too much pain
During the time I’d forgotten my name
To remember you’ve called me
To be reassured
To know for this heart, there would be a cure.

reading...no, writing...yes.

I'm thinking about writing a book.
Actually, I've thought for a while, I'm like an owl.
But for realsies, I am.
A testimony to the Lord and His greatness in my 'messy' life.
So, for you who know my story kinda, sorta, maybe...any titles???

I have a few but hate them all.

Personally I think the book revolves around the title.

*Feel free to comment!

The Amazing Race

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7

Calvary Chapel Red Bluff's Kid's Camp 2009 revolved around running the race.
What is the race? And how do we run?
What we all learned is that we need to know our coach, we need to know the trail, we need a reason for running and we need to know what we're running for and in doing this we will come across obstacles and what will we then do? Face them or fall over?

I began this race- this permanent race- about 5 years ago, falling on my face and asking Jesus to show Himself to me. To say the least, He did.
My life story is getting really long and very full of His goodness to me but also full of obstacles.
My Youth pastor was talking about how some people run this race and it's a smoothe path and for other people, they hit hills that cause them to walk instead of run and boulders in the road that cause them to fall and get bloody and broken.
This is the story that the Lord has written for me.
I got to share my testimony yesterday with 7 very hungry 12 year old girls.
I had nothing to brag about, I just wanted them to know that if these obstacles come, that they are more than conquerors through Him who loves us. I want them to be able to face these things.
This boulders I've run into have caused hurt, but it's given me a story that I would have never written for myself.
The girls told me that if these things had happened to them that they would not have done well and probably would have quit the race. They told me I was strong. I told them I was not. I am not brave...ever. Yes, I can get poked by a needle and tears will not come from my eyes, but my heart hurts when I go through these battles. I get weak so that only God is my strength.
Talking to these girls was not all I did. I learned myself. I learned more about what I was facing. How my race was going. And understanding where it will end. You're either in or out of a race, there's no in-between.
How easy it would be to stay on the sidelines for a few hours and cheer everyone else on and wear the cool shirt and the number and then jump back in when the hurdles were over. That's cheating.
I've got a long way to go. I've got a lot to learn. But He is ever faithful.
So, will you join me? Because I am running, running for a prize, running to win!
1 Corinthians 9:24