Thursday, February 9, 2012
a hankering in my soul
I never want to be ungrateful for what I have; I think that the day I take for granted what I have it will be taken away. But there are just some things that I just have a longing in my soul for...
1)Build- I just really want to build a house, a treehouse, anything creative, I love anything out of the ordinary and I want to be the maker of it. I just think it would be so awesome to say "Oh yeah, I built my house"
2)Learn Instruments- I learned piano a long time ago but the talent left with the years. Someday when my hands don't hurt so much I'll stay playing and songwriting. I just have to, my soul screams for that to be accomplished.
3)Nursing school/med school- I was born with a passion for medicine. A gift the Lord gave me, only He knew that I'd need that love for all things medical, and find humor and fun even in my tough circumstances. and...I know the Lord calls me to comfort others with the comfort I've recieved. I want to bring hope to the hopeless, wherever that is.
4)Have babies- oh my goodness I know not all people are like me but when I see a baby, hold a baby, it genuinely makes my day. I dream of my own babies, to have one of my very own, one I don't have to give back. A couple years ago when I was diagnosed with this terrible disease I was told I shouldn't have babies because the disease is spread just like an STD would be or any auto-immune disease(Lyme is actually a lot like AIDS) and I decided for myself and cried for weeks over the thought that I'd never be pregnant, have my own mini-me, or be able to provide my husband with his own flesh and blood. Over the year I've come to be content with the thought of adoption, even though I really think the Lord will come back before I ever get married and am ready for babies. Anyway, anyone who knows me knows that little ones are my heart...and I am so glad to have many preggo friends!
I am blessed, I have been given much and much has been taken away. I know one day the Lord will return strength to me; and with that strength I will be able to give back to Him whose given me life.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Monday, December 6, 2010
Redeeming a broken Body.
We ourselves . . . Groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.
Romans 8:23
This groaning is common among God's people: To a greater or lesser extent we all feel it. It is not the groan of murmuring or complaint: It is a note of desire rather than of distress. Having received a deposit, we desire the rest of our portion; we are sighing that our entire manhood, in its trinity of spirit, soul, and body, may be set free from the last trace of the Fall; we long to discard the rags of corruption, weakness, and dishonor and to be clothed with incorruption, immortality, glory—the spiritual body that the Lord Jesus will bestow upon His people.
We long for the manifestation of our adoption as the children of God. "We . . . groan," but it is "inwardly." It is not the hypocrite's groan, by which he would make men believe that he is a saint because he is wretched. Our sighs are sacred things, too holy and too personal for us to broadcast. We keep our longings for our Lord to ourselves. Then the apostle says we "wait," by which we learn that we are not to be petulant, like Jonah or Elijah when they said, "Let me die"; nor are we to whimper and sigh for the end of life because we are tired of work or wish to escape from our present sufferings till the will of the Lord is done. We are to groan for glorification, but we are to wait patiently for it, knowing that what the Lord appoints is best.
Waiting implies being ready. We are to stand at the door expecting the Beloved to open it and take us away to Himself. This groaning is a test. You can learn a lot about a man by what he groans after. Some men groan after wealth—they worship money; some groan continually under the troubles of life—they are merely impatient. But the man who sighs after God, who is uneasy until he is made like Christ—that is the blessed man. May God help us to groan for the coming of the Lord and the resurrection that He will bring to us.- Charles Spurgeon
Yeah, don't you worry, I haven't become an amazing writer overnight. Although if my heart could speak everything that is inside with the words it dreams of spilling it would come onto a page just like this- thus why I am sharing it. Partly why I am sharing it on blogger, facebook sees tumblr now, some people don't like to see that heaven is the only place that I really want to be. the more I live the more I realize that Jordyn Ellyse was not made for planet earth, but rather a heavenly kingdom. And now it is only for the day that my body is redeemed that I live for, the day that I look my Savior in the face and with one look every tear I've ever cried is suddenly forgotten and the pain that right now I can't remember living without I then would never be disabled by but will be dancing for my Lord who has found joy in me and for years has rejoiced over me...even in this state.
Oh, for this day. Let us live. For we will be redeemed, we already have, but a better hope is coming.
Romans 8:23
This groaning is common among God's people: To a greater or lesser extent we all feel it. It is not the groan of murmuring or complaint: It is a note of desire rather than of distress. Having received a deposit, we desire the rest of our portion; we are sighing that our entire manhood, in its trinity of spirit, soul, and body, may be set free from the last trace of the Fall; we long to discard the rags of corruption, weakness, and dishonor and to be clothed with incorruption, immortality, glory—the spiritual body that the Lord Jesus will bestow upon His people.
We long for the manifestation of our adoption as the children of God. "We . . . groan," but it is "inwardly." It is not the hypocrite's groan, by which he would make men believe that he is a saint because he is wretched. Our sighs are sacred things, too holy and too personal for us to broadcast. We keep our longings for our Lord to ourselves. Then the apostle says we "wait," by which we learn that we are not to be petulant, like Jonah or Elijah when they said, "Let me die"; nor are we to whimper and sigh for the end of life because we are tired of work or wish to escape from our present sufferings till the will of the Lord is done. We are to groan for glorification, but we are to wait patiently for it, knowing that what the Lord appoints is best.
Waiting implies being ready. We are to stand at the door expecting the Beloved to open it and take us away to Himself. This groaning is a test. You can learn a lot about a man by what he groans after. Some men groan after wealth—they worship money; some groan continually under the troubles of life—they are merely impatient. But the man who sighs after God, who is uneasy until he is made like Christ—that is the blessed man. May God help us to groan for the coming of the Lord and the resurrection that He will bring to us.- Charles Spurgeon
Yeah, don't you worry, I haven't become an amazing writer overnight. Although if my heart could speak everything that is inside with the words it dreams of spilling it would come onto a page just like this- thus why I am sharing it. Partly why I am sharing it on blogger, facebook sees tumblr now, some people don't like to see that heaven is the only place that I really want to be. the more I live the more I realize that Jordyn Ellyse was not made for planet earth, but rather a heavenly kingdom. And now it is only for the day that my body is redeemed that I live for, the day that I look my Savior in the face and with one look every tear I've ever cried is suddenly forgotten and the pain that right now I can't remember living without I then would never be disabled by but will be dancing for my Lord who has found joy in me and for years has rejoiced over me...even in this state.
Oh, for this day. Let us live. For we will be redeemed, we already have, but a better hope is coming.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
something to say about this.
It was kind of like a cigarette thrown out of a moving car onto some brush in lake elsinore. Up in flames and there was nothing to stop it. What the heck am I referring to? Well, my newly diagnosed disease of course, the latent incurable Lymes.
It wasn’t more than a couple months ago when I got back from the family vacation I had a phone call from the doctors office, they told me my test from the Igenix lab had come back positive. To me this was worse than hearing that I had cancer; #1 reason in this is because Lymes most often does not kill you. This would be a battle I would fight for the rest of my life, and I had to make a choice whether or not I would be strong. With cancer maybe you face chemo once or twice, with Lymes depending upon how old you are you can go through treatment multiple times in your life; every 10 years is average.
Well, if you read that little excerpt deal at the top of my page it says “ Here’s to taking what He’s given me, which may not be a glass that’s full, but it’s not a glass that’s required to be half empty. Here’s to the life more abundant.” The Lord has spoken to my broken life through John 10:10 which speaks of Himself; Jesus as the Good Shepherd and He says “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”
What is a more abundant life? A life more full, a life full of life. Not a life struggling in death.
I felt compelled to write about my disease, I haven’t written a long drawn out essay like thing in a long time and I most definitely haven’t written about my sickness; and I wanted to write and I wanted you all to read this and to understand.
Most people with Lymes somewhat go into hiding, they do relapse with their symptoms, their employers can’t understand and because of this even their faith is compromised. What I have seen in Lymes disease as of late is very discouraging and disheartening and makes me want to live out loud more than ever. I feel like the Lord has called me to live with this to comfort those who are also suffering (2 Corin. 1:4). I know the Lord does not want me to be a typical Lymes patient. Even during this chemo process I refuse to hide out because He has given me life and if this sickness is not unto death but for the glory of God(John11:4) I will serve Him, with my heart, with my voice, if I can’t with this body.
I believe that I live an abundant life. I have nothing, yet I have it all, because I have my Savior. To the unbeliever, yes you will look at me and evaluate my circumstances and say that I have lost everything; dropping out of college, no car, no job, living with my parents- but the peace that I have in my soul I would not trade for a car or a job or a scholarship.
It’s going to be a long road ahead, one I can’t image right now. The pain is waring and the puking is tiring. For five days I threw up this week. I am not even 2 months into treatment. I had to get off a skype call with Erica in Spain to throw up, I cried, not from the pain, but from the pain in my heart from what this does emotionally. I always bounce back, new adventures give a person a new sense of humor and this I have found.
But I am here, writing, ultimately to tell you how big my God is. To remind you all that there is no Good Shepherd who does not lead His sheep. Lymes disease is the worst thing in the world to me, I hate it so much I haven’t even cared to learn about it or read on it…I simply learn as I go.
I thought things had been rough the past 6 years. This last birthday I thought, hey my 20’s are gonna be a different story, I’m going to get better. The Lord said, “Yes and No” Things have to get so much worse before they get better. i am in it for the long haul, too far gone to cop out now. Optimism is my only choice and realism is definitely a reality, yet I will keep moving.
The other day I couldn’t stop throwing up, I was in the living room on the floor and a verse came to mind
“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
And I cried out to the Lord and said “I WANT TO RUN, and I want to not be weary…or just to walk Lord, let me walk” but what I was asking was more a demand of the Lord.
And he said to me “But they that WAIT” and tears came to my eyes knowing this will be a long and drawn out battle, yet one worth waiting for.
My 20’s are going to be great. Optimism is going to pay off. My Good Shepherd is going to lead me and Lymes is not going to win because Jesus Christ has overcome this world.
Jesus was waiting for me to be completely weak to show Himself completely strong, and that He is.
It wasn’t more than a couple months ago when I got back from the family vacation I had a phone call from the doctors office, they told me my test from the Igenix lab had come back positive. To me this was worse than hearing that I had cancer; #1 reason in this is because Lymes most often does not kill you. This would be a battle I would fight for the rest of my life, and I had to make a choice whether or not I would be strong. With cancer maybe you face chemo once or twice, with Lymes depending upon how old you are you can go through treatment multiple times in your life; every 10 years is average.
Well, if you read that little excerpt deal at the top of my page it says “ Here’s to taking what He’s given me, which may not be a glass that’s full, but it’s not a glass that’s required to be half empty. Here’s to the life more abundant.” The Lord has spoken to my broken life through John 10:10 which speaks of Himself; Jesus as the Good Shepherd and He says “I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.”
What is a more abundant life? A life more full, a life full of life. Not a life struggling in death.
I felt compelled to write about my disease, I haven’t written a long drawn out essay like thing in a long time and I most definitely haven’t written about my sickness; and I wanted to write and I wanted you all to read this and to understand.
Most people with Lymes somewhat go into hiding, they do relapse with their symptoms, their employers can’t understand and because of this even their faith is compromised. What I have seen in Lymes disease as of late is very discouraging and disheartening and makes me want to live out loud more than ever. I feel like the Lord has called me to live with this to comfort those who are also suffering (2 Corin. 1:4). I know the Lord does not want me to be a typical Lymes patient. Even during this chemo process I refuse to hide out because He has given me life and if this sickness is not unto death but for the glory of God(John11:4) I will serve Him, with my heart, with my voice, if I can’t with this body.
I believe that I live an abundant life. I have nothing, yet I have it all, because I have my Savior. To the unbeliever, yes you will look at me and evaluate my circumstances and say that I have lost everything; dropping out of college, no car, no job, living with my parents- but the peace that I have in my soul I would not trade for a car or a job or a scholarship.
It’s going to be a long road ahead, one I can’t image right now. The pain is waring and the puking is tiring. For five days I threw up this week. I am not even 2 months into treatment. I had to get off a skype call with Erica in Spain to throw up, I cried, not from the pain, but from the pain in my heart from what this does emotionally. I always bounce back, new adventures give a person a new sense of humor and this I have found.
But I am here, writing, ultimately to tell you how big my God is. To remind you all that there is no Good Shepherd who does not lead His sheep. Lymes disease is the worst thing in the world to me, I hate it so much I haven’t even cared to learn about it or read on it…I simply learn as I go.
I thought things had been rough the past 6 years. This last birthday I thought, hey my 20’s are gonna be a different story, I’m going to get better. The Lord said, “Yes and No” Things have to get so much worse before they get better. i am in it for the long haul, too far gone to cop out now. Optimism is my only choice and realism is definitely a reality, yet I will keep moving.
The other day I couldn’t stop throwing up, I was in the living room on the floor and a verse came to mind
“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
And I cried out to the Lord and said “I WANT TO RUN, and I want to not be weary…or just to walk Lord, let me walk” but what I was asking was more a demand of the Lord.
And he said to me “But they that WAIT” and tears came to my eyes knowing this will be a long and drawn out battle, yet one worth waiting for.
My 20’s are going to be great. Optimism is going to pay off. My Good Shepherd is going to lead me and Lymes is not going to win because Jesus Christ has overcome this world.
Jesus was waiting for me to be completely weak to show Himself completely strong, and that He is.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
torn
i don't know what i'm doing.
i don't want to give up blogger but i must tell you that tumblr is waaaaay easier to use. and that's where i have been.
but i still come to blogger every so often.
i need guidance.
anyways, until i make up my mind, you can find me at http://www.whenthecurlsfellout.tumblr.com
love to you all:)
jordie
i don't want to give up blogger but i must tell you that tumblr is waaaaay easier to use. and that's where i have been.
but i still come to blogger every so often.
i need guidance.
anyways, until i make up my mind, you can find me at http://www.whenthecurlsfellout.tumblr.com
love to you all:)
jordie
Friday, September 3, 2010
sickbed playlist
1. Can I Stay By Vitamin String Quartet
2. Sufficient By Adie
3. Moonlight Sonata By Beethoven
4. Times By Tenth Avenue North
5. Everything Falls by Fee
6. Breathe In Breathe Out By Mat Kearney
7. Before the Throne of God Above (favorite!)
8. Unashamed By Starfield
9. Vanilla Twilight By Owl City
10. You Can Shake the Mountains By LIfehouse
11. Something Beautiful By Needtobreathe
12. That's What I'm Here For By Jason Castro
13. The Girl By City and Colour
14. One Day By Matisyahu
15. Living For Your Glory By Tim Hughes
16. The Boat Song By Ryan Montbleau
17. Say Hey By Michael Franti
18. Spirit Waltz By Something Like Silas
19. Young Pilgrims By The Shins
20. 23 By Jimmy Eat World
21. Jesus Paid It All
there is some secular in this playlist, but i must tell you all that the only thing that making the barfing and the pain any better is raising my hands and turning my volume all the way up on my laptop and having a worship sesh with my Creator.
He is Worthy of all my praise!
2. Sufficient By Adie
3. Moonlight Sonata By Beethoven
4. Times By Tenth Avenue North
5. Everything Falls by Fee
6. Breathe In Breathe Out By Mat Kearney
7. Before the Throne of God Above (favorite!)
8. Unashamed By Starfield
9. Vanilla Twilight By Owl City
10. You Can Shake the Mountains By LIfehouse
11. Something Beautiful By Needtobreathe
12. That's What I'm Here For By Jason Castro
13. The Girl By City and Colour
14. One Day By Matisyahu
15. Living For Your Glory By Tim Hughes
16. The Boat Song By Ryan Montbleau
17. Say Hey By Michael Franti
18. Spirit Waltz By Something Like Silas
19. Young Pilgrims By The Shins
20. 23 By Jimmy Eat World
21. Jesus Paid It All
there is some secular in this playlist, but i must tell you all that the only thing that making the barfing and the pain any better is raising my hands and turning my volume all the way up on my laptop and having a worship sesh with my Creator.
He is Worthy of all my praise!
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